Lately it seems like I can only find girls who want to party 24/7.  I mean I know I am in college, so I shouldn't really expect much more, lol.  Yet, It drives me to the point some nights that I wish I could be like the majority and just whore around, and be 'happy' - one night stands and weekly flings!  But anytime I bring myself into this situation, I just feel cheap and dirty.  It isn't worth it to me, I am sorry America, I let you down...

I think we all know from personal experience that most teenage relationships are like a roller coaster.  The first few months it is pretty smooth sailing and is all fun.  Then as the months pass by little things start to ignite small fights and those just lead to bigger fights.  I think 3 months is the biggest milestone most relationships face.  It seems like in every relationship around the 3 month period the waters seem to get rough.  And if you can keep your ship afloat and get thru the storm, then you have weathered the storm... for now.  Then it is back to smooth sailing for a period of time.  The next thing you know it has been a year or more and the fights just keep increasing and the bickering is at an all time high.  One week it is up and the next is down.  This week we are in love and we have finally figured it all out.  But in two weeks we are hitting our rock bottom, AGAIN.  This stage can last months.  Hell!  I have made this stage last a year and a half with one of my ex's, haha.  Both people are scared to completely let go of the other person, for good reason.  By this point it feels like you only have each other.  You have lost touch with 90% of your friends because you have blown them off to many times to count now.  Each of you are scared of the aloneness you will be faced with by parting ways.  You keep telling each other, "oh, we really love each other and in the end we'll make all this work out."  I mean yeah, maybe you really do love each other.  But if you can't mend your differences and make it work after the 45th try (or if you keep REPEATING the same mistakes over and over), then something has to change.  I was stuck in that stage for over a year where each of us was to scared to say goodbye, it was a dead end relationship.  We would date for a month without problems then hate each other for a few weeks, and just repeat the process.  I found myself drifting into that same stage in my last relationship as I moved off to college.  I promised myself that I wouldn't ever do that again, and I even told her at the beginning of our relationship we wouldn't turn into that couple.  But a year later here I was again starting the same phase, again.  It is so easy to tell other people how dumb they are for staying in a relationship and even laugh at them.  But when it comes to you and you are in the same situation, you do the exact same thing.  

Being able to actually say this is the end of us and follow thru is THE HARDEST THING EVER!  It is hard to be the mature one and say enough is enough.  I have always been a firm believer of listening to your heart, not your head.  But I think sometimes we have to listen to our head in order to do what is best for our future.  Especially when you've made countless efforts to improve the relationship and they all fail.  At least then you know in your heart that you tried and there is no regrets.  It is hard to realize that you both may be at different places in life and the timing just isn't right.  If you are not fully happy, feeling incomplete, still having to check-in a million times a day because of trust issues, or get in the occasional argument over old baggage, etc. - then do something about it.

I know I hadn't done a perfect job with relationships and struggle in that aspect of letting go.  It is just really hard to let go of some one you care so much about.  I have been on each side of the spectrum and both can be unbearable at times.  I think the harder side may be when you still care about some one completely, but you know you have to let them go.  And to be able to ignore your hearts pleads and follow thru with what your head is telling you, is the hardest.

A big part of failed (teenage) relationships are simply just that we change as we grow.  It has taken me years to realize that.  People change, especially teenagers.  It is crazy how much you change your views/thoughts on everything from age 14-19, I can't imagine when I am 21.  And sometimes it is really hard to understand that people do change, especially when you have been with them for years.  But you have to realize they are not the same person you fell for. 

You can't ever fully change some one, you can only change yourself.  Obviously, everyone is not going to be perfect.  But you will find some one who is close enough that you don't want to change everything about them.  And until you do, don't settle for less.  Don't try to change some one else, it takes away their uniqueness, and is only a waste of time.  Would you want to be changed yourself?  No, you want to be you.  You shouldn't have to completely change yourself to make some one else happy.  There is two ways you can look at it: everyone is perfect, in their own way. (or) no one is perfect, and everyone is different.

Sometimes life and relationships just flat out suck at times.  We want so badly to believe that everything is okay and will work out.  But truth is, sometimes we just have to move forward with our lives.  As bad as it hurts and how horrible it sounds, some people are better left in your past.  Sadly, life doesn't always work out like a romantic movie.  I believe a new door will always open when an old door closes behind you.  It may not be for a while but with time and new eyes, one will open.  I still question a lot of stuff and don't understand why it has happened, but I am sure I will one day.

I like to go back and read things I wrote a year or two ago.  I acted like the world was going to end if I didn't work thru those problems.  But now looking back at those situations and how they turned out, it all seems so irrelevant to what is going on in my life right now.  It is like a reality check reading my previous writings, a reminder that some things seem so big at the time and consume us.  Yet, later down the road, they are only a mere speed bump.  We work thru one problem only to encounter 500 more.  It is proof that we must always keep pushing forward in life.

People say they are to scared to put themselves out there and they fear falling in love with some one.  Because they don't want to end up alone and hurt.  Well, if you never try then how will you ever know (It is a lose, lose situation)?  The reward is worth the risk.  That is the point of dating and having relationships, to see if you are compatible with another person.  If you are not, then you move on to the next one, and try that person.  It seems like people get so caught up in a relationship they think their married.  You can't stay in a relationship just because you feel obligated or it is all you have known the past few years.  It sounds selfish, but you have to do what is best for you.