First off, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!  I hope each and every one of you have the most amazing Christmas you have ever had.  

This blog may not be the most jolly post considering it is Christmas n all tomorrow.  So if you are completely happy in a relationship just go ahead and stop reading after this sentence and go hug your lover and enjoy these times with them.  

As for the rest of you…………

I should probably be in bed considering it's 3am as I start to write this and all of my family will be here for Christmas in 6 hours (we do Christmas the day before so all my brothers can go to their wives parents for Christmas day).  But after driving around aimlessly the last hour I feel like a little writing may be the medicine I need.

Lets face it, the holidays aren't near as fun without having a special person to enjoy them with.  Decorating cookies, building gingerbread houses, and looking at Christmas lights just don't give you that same buzz.  But don't you hate it?  It's like wooo all this is so awesome and fun and you are actually pretty content for five minutes then immediately it's like BAM I wish (such and such) was here!  Haha I know it sounds horrible, but you are only faking yourself if you say you are completely satisfied without having some one there (maybe if you are over 25 or 50)…  I guess it's just part of human nature, we can't be satisfied with anything, let alone being lonely.  

I feel like the hardest is when you are still in love with some one but you can't have them.  Or maybe you can, but you know the future will only be a more hurtful self reflection of now.  You try to replace that person and go out with new people.  You kind've enjoy yourself the first hour and then start slowly edging closer to the door with each passing second as you realize it's not the same.  I'm a lover, a hopeless romantic.  I would much rather be in a serious relationship with a girl then sleeping around with everyone at work/school. 

It hurts when you know the relationship is a dead end.  You have so much emotional attachment and love for the person but at the end of the day you know you two just can't mend your differences.  When you have that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach because their not yours anymore.  You constantly think about them and wonder if they're thinking about you.  Or you hear one of the five thousand love songs that you once established as yall's song and you want to hit the wall or bawl your eyes out.  The girl/guy who no matter how much you tell yourself to get over them, you just emotionally can't.  You get dizzy when you think back on all your memories.  A bitter avalanche of icy memories plow into your chest at unmeasurable speed and steal the very breath from your lungs.  And you're left gasping for air, but there's no use fighting it, cause the blow is so instantaneous and overbearing.  Your heart instantly stops and you go into internally panic mode.  It's been months but the instant you hear from them it's like a brick wall hits you.  The pain is still still there and almost as deep as the night you said goodbye and parted ways.  

There could be a variety of reasons you can't have that person: distance, honesty-trust issues, maturity, or countless other attributes that result in such heart/head-ache that it's not even worth it.  It's hard realizing that you both may be at different places in life and the timing just isn't right.  

I've always been a firm believer of listening to your heart, not your head.  But I think sometimes we have to listen to our head in order to do what's best for our future.  Especially when you've made countless efforts to improve the relationship and they all fail.  At least then you know in your heart that you tried and there's no regrets.  

A relationship is something to be cherished.  Nowadays relationships are taken advantage of by countless people, including myself.  Between high school and college kids watching their Facebook relationship statuses change is like watching a fluctuating stock market.  One week its up and the next is down.  This week we're in love and we finally have it all figured out.  But in two weeks we're hitting our rock bottom, AGAIN.  I'm not saying every relationship is going to be perfect.  We are all humans and we all need grace.  We're all of a sin nature and make mistakes.  

But a relationship isn't a state of mind or just an accessory, it's an act.  It's about your actions and it's something you do.  You both have to make an effort and try to make things work.  It's not really whether your the best or not, it's not a reflection of you, it's a balanced relationship between two people.  Of course it wont always be perfectly balanced at every given moment.  But you can guarantee you will each fill each others shoes as time passes.  It's when you develop that special bond on a deeper level.  When you look beyond the surface things and you focus on the actual person.  Physical bodies change as they grow, as do emotional bodies and intellectual ones, and it's about establishing a deeper connection than just what meets the eye.  It's trusting some one when you are at your weakest and most vulnerable.  Simply, you love them for exactly who they are.

But there is only so much you can do before it is time to pick up your things and focus on what is best for your future.

I know this blog sounds like I'm depressed or something but that's not really the case.  I've had some of the best times of my life the last few months at college.  It's more of highlighting some of those lower points that I hit along the way.  It's kind've ridding myself of any of those lingering emotions as I continue to move forward with my life.  This blog is about sharing my experiences, feelings, and thoughts with everything during my journey through life.  

With that being said..  You can't let your emotions control you and to the point where they control your life.  I've been there and the result is always ugly.  I know taking that leap away from everything you know is scary, but it's the only way to move forward with your life.  Whether it's getting over an ex-girlfriend or moving halfway across the country at the chance follow your dreams.  I have people all the time email me about how they think I'm so brave or wise by my actions of everything the last 6 months..  It's not that I don't experience these scary feelings, trust me I DO.  It's just that I know what I need to do to get where I want to go and I'm willing to sacrifice to get there.  It's not always the most joyous road but overall I'm happy because I know I'm getting to where I want to be in life.

Change is courage.


I wasn't planning on writing a blog on this subject matter but I just feel like it's needed.  It's me being honest.
Thanks for listening, hope everyone enjoys the holidays. <3